AstroDispatch.com

Le sigh. I was doing everything in my power not to acknowledge the silliness that is Magic Mike, but Mars had other ideas. Damn him. Its just too damn convienent to pass up. Ladies, you’re welcome; Gentlemen, I know, and I’m so, so sorry. Ill get you back when Venus gets into Cancer.

In other news, MARS IS FINALLY OUT OF FREAKING VIRGO!!!!! That right there deserves a ticker tape parade! I tell you, right there at the end, for about .0002 seconds, I almost lost my cool. But then I got over myself, wrote a sad poem in my journal, and went on with my day.

Ok, so How To Conquer The World With Astrology: Chapter 7- Mars In Libra; “While Mars is in Libra (providing that you survive his transit through Virrrrgo [hmm, did Starzina write this?]) your best course of action is to stifle your inner urge to unleash a shitstorm the likes of which your enemy has never before seen, not even in his worst childhood nightmares, and instead try to find common ground with those who oppose you and work toward a compromise that works for both of you. Or else just smile big and bitch-slap the dumb out of them. You know, whatever works for you.”

Okay, that tells us a little, but are there any more handy quotes that I can blatantly plagarize and call my own? Ooh, here’s one: “While Mars is in Virrrrrrrrrgo, battles tend to be fought in the arena of the day-to-day mindless drudgery; Wheras in Libra, the battles take place in person-to-person dealings, especially when it comes to relationships. Therefore, you must disguise your insults and motives in politeness, and watch out for backhanded compliments. It never hurts to ooze charm like the proverbial French hooker oozes perfume, or like how Heidi Montag (woah, throwback pop culture reference! When was this thing printed, 2005? Seriously…) oozes shame and dissapointment, or an oozing ooze monster oozes ooze, or… well, you get the idea. A little charm goes a long way. Same goes for party tricks.”

Alright, that was good, but is there a strong closer in here that I can ride into the sunset? By Jove, there is! “In summation, the challenge of Mars in Libra is one of balance, compared to Mars in Virrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgo’s challenge of quality and getting all the details in order for this challenge to even be possible. In Libra, you will face trials of character, and it will be up to you how you handle them, whether that be with dignity and courage, or of reckless abandon and pettiness. You will need to take decisive action, even though not all the facts are clear, and the path that is most beneficial is unsure. Make a choice and stick with it. If you dont like it later, make a new one. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD IF YOU MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE. Buck up, write a sad poem in your journal, and move on.”

And there you have it, folks- I couldnt have said it better myself.

Live dangerously

-The AstroGeek